If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
