and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
