Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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