So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
