and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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