he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
