Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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