I CAN MOONWALK!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
