U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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