You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
