I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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