I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
