1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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