Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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