I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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