Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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