you have to choose: penises or morals?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
