I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
