i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
