Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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