someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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