i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
