Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
