I only kidnapped one of them. chill
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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