I hate all girls vehemently.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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