maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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