It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
