I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm too high and old for this...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
