Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
