JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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