He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
