I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
