She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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