i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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