You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
