That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
