I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
