We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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