so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
