That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
