So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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