I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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