after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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