it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
