I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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