perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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