Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
