Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
