she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
