I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
